How I Met My Bob
by Badger's Very Fine Hat
Summary: "Crowley trailed a finger along the smooth, plastic surface of his love. Ever since it fell into his lap on that fateful night, he couldn't get it off of his mind. He had to have it." A one-shot crack fic about Lampley. Crowley really loves his lamps.


**Author's Note: First off, I really want to apologize for starting this crack ship. It started off as a joke, but now I seem to have developed some odd attachment to making this a thing. In case you're wondering, I don't really ship this at all. It's purely for amusement, I promise. I am badgersveryfinehat _and _lampley4ever on Tumblr. If you want to, check me out on there. Once again, I apologize for this. If you can derive any amusement from this, that would be absolutely fantastic.**

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Crowley trailed a finger along the smooth, plastic surface of his love. Ever since it fell into his lap on that fateful night, he couldn't get it off of his mind. He had to have it. Glancing around the abandoned room, the King of Hell took a moment to reminisce that night. His eyes slid shut, and he breathed in through his nose. In the hopes of defeating Abaddon in the run for Hell's throne, he'd called a meeting with his trusted advisors and found out they betrayed him to the world's angriest ginger, who had taken Gavin from his time to use as a bargaining chip against him. Unlike the previous time someone attempted to use his son against him, albeit in different circumstances and ways, he found himself caring about the little bastard and cursed one Samuel Winchester.

Bonding with his son turned out to be not quite as dreadful as he'd thought. With the residual humanity left from the Trials, the demon tried to convince his son to stay in the future. Gavin had no desire to remain in the present and wanted to go back to his own time. After a fight, his son disappeared into his room and slammed the door shut. Dean called shortly after, and the blackmailed demon managed to warn the Winchester of the situation. His task accomplished, Abaddon proved herself ruthless, yet smart by betraying Crowley and shooting him with a devil's trap bullet. Rendered powerless, he could only slump on the armchair and clutch his shoulder wound. Dean arrived by himself some time later and dealt with Abaddon's grunt. The next moments would decide Hell's future, as well as his own.

With the power that came from being a Knight of Hell, Abaddon caused a strong wind, which forced Dean backwards, but the human refused to give up and did not stop his approach. Abaddon stepped up her game, but, with true Winchester stubbornness, Dean did not let that stop him. During the power struggle between the two, the lamp flew into his lap. He'd noticed it early, but didn't give it a second thought. Staring at it then, he reevaluated the lamp, but was soon distracted by Dean defeating Abaddon. After the Knight of Hell's death, things became a blur. The Winchesters chose not to kill him, and he kept Gavin from returning to the past, thus saving his life. Presently, Crowley opened his eyes and sat on the couch cushion closest to the lamp.

"Oh, you're beautiful," he murmured softly, running an index finger along the rim of the lampshade. "I've seen plenty of lamps in my time, but you're the first to really catch my attention. You know what that means?" The lamp looked up at him, as if it were silently imploring him to continue. Letting out a slight puff of air, he gently picked up the light fixture and set it in his lap. "It means you've become somewhat dear to me, and I would like to take you with me." He gazed down at it, and stroked a hand along its metal base. "Would you like that?" He took the silence as a yes and smiled. Clutching the lamp securely to his chest, he stood up and began walking toward the door. "I think I'll call you 'Bob'."

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**Author's Note: After reading that, will you ever look at Crowley, a lamp, or Crowley and a lamp the same way again? I really hope I'm not the only one that finds this funny. If so, I must have a horrible sense of humor. Please review and let me know what you thought and if you want more. Lampley doesn't write itself after all.**


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